I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
