I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
