We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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