is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish you could order shots online.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
