you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
