Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
