you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
