You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
