Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
