thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
