he puts the penis in happiness.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
