I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
