break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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