You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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