he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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