they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
