used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's always time for handjobs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
