Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
