she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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