who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
