All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
