Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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