when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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