She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
