I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
