dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
