Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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