why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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