So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
