i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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