Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
