she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
