i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
