we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
