I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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