The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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