Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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