he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
