Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
