all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
