I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
