how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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