hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
