I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
