'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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