the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
