Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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