What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
