I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
