So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
