I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
