you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
