To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
