You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
