you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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