So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Please, let me fuck your mom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
