Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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