Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
