who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
