Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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