She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
