am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
