found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
