How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ladies don't puke and tell
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
