Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize