I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
