You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
