Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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