it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
