mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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