My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
